sinking

I've been starting to share some of my archive finds over on my Instagram page, amongst all the baby photos and domestic documentary, and I feel like I should try hard to keep pace over here, maybe it will help me ease into blogging more regularly. So here I am. 

Firstly, I do wonder if I need a separate Instagram page for my art and photography from my general everyday life stuff. I've had my Instagram page since I got my first iPhone and probably since Instagram was launched, at least 5 years. It has always just served as my own personal visual diary of life, captured moments, both profound and mundane at the same time just like life. In the years where I had a strong aversion to photography and to using my camera, it was the lifeline that kept me connected to the photographic art, kept me shooting and looking, kept my toes in the pool. It's a funny old thing, probably not uncommon, I think I just burnt out or maybe I just let my lingering self doubt get the better of me. For a good couple of years I actively disconnected from my photographic practice. Maybe that's why I feel such a need to reconnect with my archives now, because I so actively rejected my work and my practice for a while.  But it was Instagram that kept my photographic gears turning, so to speak, and over these 5 or so years I have seen the platform change and change and become the behemoth that it is. I've never cracked 1000 followers, for the longest time lingered on 500, and that was fine because it wasn't about the followers, and it' wasn't that bad either! Now though that's pittance! I marvel in wonder at how many followers one has the potential to amass now, what a powerful tool social media is. Wow, what a ramble, all I wanted to ponder was whether I needed a separate IG account. For now I think I will just leave it and keep everything meshed together. Instagram is my go to platform, I don't have a lot of love for Facebook, and to be honest I don't know how many different social media platforms I could maintain. I get fatigued, it's part of my nature. If I have had a good bout of social media interaction with people I find I need a step back, a pause and in that disconnection from the contact I can rejuvenate for my next encounters.

The work I have put up tonight which is what I was supposed to be talking about is one of my cyanotypes, a photogram as well. I have such a love for alternative processing and hand processing, it is such a mixing of my love of photography, my love of painting and gesture and my love of potions. The Cyanotype process is one of the first photographic processes discovered, from way back in 1840. The photogram too is one of the early processes, cameraless photography so to speak. To make a photogram you take your objects or materials, your photosensitive material, and your light source.... combine them and voila, you have a photogram.

This image is a cyanotype of a photogram, being that I made the photogram first, made a digital negative of it, then made the cyanotype. I made the photogram using tissue paper and skeleton leaves directly placed on my photographic paper, then exposed and developed in the darkroom. I found this process intuitive and meditative, it was experimental and every image was a revelation. I enjoyed playing with the texture of the tissue and having it translate into the most delicate and subtle layers on the paper. I enjoyed this wash of layers, at times barely perceivable, than I did the strong bold nature of an image made with heavy opaque images.

This image was the favourite out of many experiments. At the time my mentor for the year Prof. Tony Whincup had just passed away. He was renowned for so many things, including his extensive work in Kiribati. This image immediately spoke to my mentor Mel about Kiribati, the leaves floating like sinking islands drawing parallels to their plight in the face of climate change. Like the canary down the mine, Kiribati was telling a story that not everyone wants to hear, rising sea levels were lapping at their door, their shores. Lapping louder and higher, at their ankles, their porches, the roots of their crops, the necks of their children, sand making way to water, land making way to sea.   This was the power of imagery that was ambiguous, symbolic, abstract, it held space for the narrative to make it's way in, it never revealed much of itself rather asking the viewer to fill it up, bring their stories to it's door. And in this image we both saw Kiribati, climate change, and thought of Tony. 

The image was beautiful in black and white, and when it came time to try cyanotypes I immediately thought of it. Practically, I needed a digital negative as the cyanotype was made with a contact print. Digital negatives are easy these days, you just make a negative in Photoshop and print it on mylar or OHP transparency. Easy peasy. The alchemy of alternative processing is such a thrill to me, preparing the paper, exposing the image, the tactility of the process, washing it with such care and a lingering suspense, waiting to see how it turns out. The above image is the result. A haunting image already, more so in the gestural delicate textures of the cyanotype. 

Long live the touch of the artists had, long live alternative processing, long live gesture and mistakes, long live ambiguous abstract images ... empty until we fill them with meaning.

entering the archive, one step at a time

It's always so long between blog posts. I'll do better, one day. I promise.

One of the primary reasons I signed up for my own website was so I would have a place to reflect, to muse and to put stuff. One of the main things I wanted to do was to go through my vast photographic archives and pick out things that stood out, and put them here on my website. This website was less about advertising myself, or putting specific commercially driven work up, and more about me talking to myself about my work and convincing myself of it's merit, or pushing myself to have it exist somewhere other than on my hard drive, or in my boxes. I have had a long period of disillusionment about myself and my work and this is part of trying to work through it, and figure out a few things about what being an artist / photographer means to me. Part of my problem is self doubt. That sounds pitiful. Let me rephrase that, basically I wanted a place that could hold all the parts of me I extracted while digging in the past, as well as house new work should and if I did it. And if people came to peruse, or to read along, awesome. If not, well I would still be enjoying myself in my little corner of the internet that I carved out and claimed.  (And paid for may I add!)

Well, in true me fashion, I have been glacial in my pace to fulfil this task, and there have been long pauses and lulls, and not a lot of reflecting. I am hoping this will change as I get better at making time for my creative processes, and hopefully I will be seen more often, lurking here in my corner of the internet.

Here's how I see it going... I trawl my archives, find something of merit or interest, put it up here, and then I ramble. Woo hoo. 

Let's start the archive diggings off with an image from circa 2006/2007 when I was a student at The Photoschool

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Maria. circa 2006/2007. Colour Transparency film (scanned). by Leala Faleseuga 

I loved studying at The Photoschool. It was at a time where we sat on the cusp of the true digital age of photography, well in my opinion, in my tiny realm. Most of the course we did using film or transparency and it was only towards the end of the year long programme that I got my first ever digital camera. We were on the edge, about to tip into the world we live in now, where everyone is a photographer of sorts at all hours at all times because their camera exists in their pocket and using it is like breathing. Our image saturated world became an image saturated world on roids, and I wonder what it did to the craft of photography. Back then it still was feasibly a bit of a guilded craft, still the realm of the professional. Now.... all the meanings have changed, the context has changed and what it means to be a photographer has changed, how we produce it, share it, how it exists. Inevitable, change is always inevitable and it's best to hold on for the ride and keep your eyes peeled, and then find where you fit. Finding where I fit is something I have been exploring and struggling with, but not in a bad way, just in a way which means when I finally figure it out wherever I fall in the kingdom it will be comfortable, a good fit, because I took so long thinking about it.

This image was taken at home, my family home where my mother and some of my siblings still live, a place I have lived many times on and off. I remember the light, the deep orange of a setting sun. The windows of this room face west and if you hit it right, right weather, right time of year, right angle of the sun, this is what you were rewarded with, a density and richness of light so pungent and thick, warm, the deepest point of the goldenest of golden hours. The scan doesn't do the colour justice, our monitors probably won't the transparency film did though, it did a beautiful job. I can't remember what type of film transparency we shot, hell I might even be spelling transparency wrong. I love film. I love shooting film, it is how I learnt photography and while I love digital now too, and my iPhone photography, there is a slight disconnect in comparison to the deep love I have for the analogue. I shot this my Canon film camera, can't remember the model. I can't remember the settings but I know I would have metered the light manually using my hand method that was taught to me as a 13 year old and has served me well ever since. Like a dinosaur I often use it with my digital camera, even though they have pretty spot on light metering systems. My dad gave me my camera, when I was 11 or 12, seeing my burgeoning interest in photography he made sure the fire was fed and I had the equipment needed. Thanks dad. The model is my sister, long suffering Maria who to this day is often my model. I just remember seeing the light hitting the lounge wall and knowing it was good light, and calling for her to come. It all starts with the light, photography is capturing the light. Good light is orgasmic and so full of potential to a photographer. She dutifully posed and I snapped a few pics, one of which was the photo you see above. 

Until next time. 

Leala x

lull and lapse

I always knew continuous and consistent blogging would be a challenge for me, and I inwardly sigh as I tap this blog entry out, near two months after my last one.  As a supposed citizen of the digital ream, should it not be in my DNA to share well, share often? Should I not go forth and ponder... loud, long treatises into cyberspace, flurries of 140 character musings, or photo after photo after filter after photo*, and sit back and wait for the christening of likes, comfortable in the knowledge that they will come? Is it not my millennial birthright?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It's not in my nature though! I internalise a lot, vast sagas and debates play out in my head,  alone I watch them, alone I sort them, alone I respond and debate. There is nothing wrong with this , nothing wrong with a batch of deep thought, personal reflection and internal monologue. However I must remember that I am endeavouring to master this craft of sharing and blogging, as there is benefit and learning to be had, and better not forget the motto I am trying to  instil in myself - 

“Do good work and share it with people.”

— Austin Kleon

So please do forgive my lull and lapse, walk by me as I pick my path, step by step, hopefully into an at least one blog a week habit, walk by me and hold my hand, lord knows I need it.

This post included one of the gum bichromate works from my exhibition in July - yes, the exhibition I am still supposed to write about. I will. I promise. As well as post up more examples of my works and how they came to be.

*Note: If anything, it is Instagram that I find easiest to engage with, and yes, I do like me some filters. 

developing my gallery at a glacial pace

“This is harder than I thought.”

— Me

Indeed. This website development is proving harder than I thought. I think I am still attempting to vanquish my natural inclination to keep my work to myself, and to keep my thoughts in my head (as opposed to the mercy of public cyberspace).

Guys, sharing is hard! It would seem my initial bravado is wearing off.

I'll get there though. Currently I am very time poor, school is hectic and I am preparing for an upcoming exhibition this month. An exhibition. Can you believe? It's freaking me right out, sharing my work is not exactly my safe space, and this will be my first ever exhibition, of any kind. Ever. And it's all me, all alone, all on my own. ALL SOLO BABY! (Eek?) 

Probably what's putting most of the pressure on is that this is a mid year exhibition... of a year long body of work. In short, I don't feel ready! Too bad buttercup, it's part of the course requirements. No escaping that fact! More importantly,  I have been readily assured of the method to the madness, so there's nothing left to do but put my trust in the process and go at it full guns blazing, and to make sure I dial share-phobic tendencies right back!  

Ah... but back to my sparse gallery. It's suffered. I am still navigating how to use squarespace to it's fullest potential, but so far it's been rad, easy enough for a dinosaur like me to navigate, and somehow magically command. So now just to start sifting through my archives, and pulling at this years work, and curating something worth looking at.

So far, I have only conceded to uploading this image of my son as a baby, being flung skywards by his father. I love this image not for it's technical or photographic merits, but for the memories it evokes and the happiness I remember. I remember the sky was a hypnotically beautiful purple, and when the rainbow revealed itself, we drifted outside to marvel at it. I had my camera at hand, and when my sons father began to fling my son up, up, up and up, I caught this moment. My instinct as a photographer overrode any maternal worries that may have been lurking... maybe he's going too high?...and I just captured what I could. The pure joy of my son is evident, and I knew there was no need for me to worry, he felt safe with  his father, and therefore so should I. I am glad I didn't mar such a moment with unnecessary worry and caution.  What fun.

As I have mentioned previous, this year marks a return to photography and creative practice after a lengthy absence. One thing that did keep me going however was a project I set myself, just before the birth of my son, to capture at least one photo from each day of his first year. Having these simple parameters really encouraged me to shoot when otherwise I may have let the photographic spark die. Sometimes I stressed about getting the day's shot, but mostly it was a simple project that I could adhere to and keep some polish on my documenting / photography skills. The funny thing is, though I completed the project, I still haven't found the time to review, edit and compile all those images into a cohesive body of work. They exist in a digital limbo,easily forgotten. It is my hope that I will be able to  finally re-engage with the work and finish the project, sharing some of the best images here on the website. I am looking forward to seeing what memories come back as I review back over that precious first year. It all seemed a blur at the time, so I will be grateful for what moments I managed to preserve in photos! 

on weddings

Sometimes I do weddings. Not often, maybe because I never chased them down, or maybe because I haven't quite figured out how I fit with the current iterations of wedding photography, or if I fit at all. Mostly, probably, because just haven't been photographically active in that way, in a commercial sense, where I look for jobs, for money.  My last two weddings were freebies for family members actually, and the motivation behind doing them was not for money but for love, and for the compulsion that lives within me to document and tell stories, and for the itch to take photos.  

Weddings are hard work. Hard, honest graft. I get a certain anxiety before each one, where I mull over my ability to capture the event in all it's glory. Me being me, I probably have some doubting words with myself, but then always shake it off with a determined bravado. The day is high pressure and busy, there is so much to capture. It's a one shot kind of deal, no replays, no do overs.  I have only ever worked alone, so the task sits squarely on my shoulders, while two DSLR's swing around my neck. (I feel that the next day). 

Once I start shooting, I tend to settle in and become so compelled to document that there is not chance for anxiety to shout my bravado down again. I loosen up and being to revel in the pleasure of taking photos and capturing the day, the emotions, it's honest beauty. 

And at the end of the day I am elated and joyous, and look forward to the hours of editing and processing, whittling and refining what I shot into a truthful narrative of a beautiful day. I agonise over details, and ponder possibilities, and happily relive precious moments.

I have done less than 10 weddings, I am but a novice. Yet even those few have taught me vast lessons about documenting, working with people,  crafting images under pressure, and having faith and confidence in myself. I relish the chance to story-tell that each one brings, the chance to practice my craft, and to learn. 

I will begin updating my gallery page (it's currently bone bare), and some of that will be wedding work. In the meantime, here is a video I put together for a wedding I did in 2014. Images are all black and white, however I did colour too. I edited the wedding in Lightroom, and please note, I was very new to Lightroom! I have learnt quite a lot since then, though I am still learning it's ins and outs - it was not around when I was at photography school. The music is generic YouTube music.