My twins are one next month, and it dawned on me that it has gone so fast, in such a blur. I haven't blogged anywhere near as much as I hoped, and I think I can safely put that down to just the daily struggle of trying to survive in the maelstrom that has been this year. As I begin to shift out of the fog and chaos, I do find myself feeling that tug again to put words down, if for no reason than just to have something to look back on and remember. So hopefully what is just a gut inkling will actually materialise into words!
Winter has truly arrived this week, the bite is real, the power bill has shot up. Aside from the spike in the power bill, I don't mind the winter anymore. I used to dread it and dream for summer neverending, but in my older age I have come to find joy in each season, with their unique gifts and challenges. My girls were born in the depths of winter, and it will forever hold memories of that story and time.
Nights can be brutal, on my own with the twins. Sleep can be elusive when those teeth start bothering them, and its been many a night that I have woken up realising that I am still in my clothes from the day before, lying on top of my duvet, or in the lazyboy, sometimes with Netflix flickering in the background. Tonight was a night such as this, I awoke at 4am realising that I had fallen asleep feeding Lyra. She was blissful and content, Rune was fast asleep too. Suddenly, a soft padding and a large pair of bespectacled eyes are peeking over at me from behind the cot. Kauri, my 7 year old is wanting a cuddle, so I take him back to bed and lie with him until he goes back to sleep. I cherish these moments as he is on the brink of that next stage, that next age, where maybe cuddling your mum won't be such a necessity anymore. Now it;s 4.30am and I'm still awake. There is rain falling softly outside, and it gives a muted hush to the early morning. I make the decision to try and be productive, remembering that the dinner I made last night is probably still on the bench, and I am grateful for my freezing kitchen, knowing it would have done a good job of keeping it cold enough to live again as usable leftovers. So off to the kitchen I go to tidy up, and in an attempt to be extra productive as opposed to staring at my phone until I fall asleep (very naughty - a habit I need to modify for sure) I decide to put some feijoa porridge on in the slow cooker, the idea being that it will be ready and warm in a few hours when the house rises.
I live for my slow cooker, currently it seems to be the only way I get any dinner done, I put something on in the morning when my energy is still high enough to be functional, generally when the girls have their morning nap, and by dinner time it's ready and thats good because I am normally wrecked by then. Slow cooker porridge is a fave of mine. My mother often says to me, but porridge is so fast and easy.... but I am not a morning person, and every second counts, like, every second. So lazy slow cooker porridge is a life saver. And so that's what I did with my insomnia, as opposed to lying in bed staring at my phone ,( a habit I am working on swapping out for reading a book... an actual book, something I used to do a lot more!) I was semi productive, and at least there will be warm breakfast waiting! It's not groundbreaking, but every small victory counts!